Of Muggle Bookshops and Ridiculous Happenings
by pumpkingurl
Summary: Yet another one-shot now about a sleeping muggle clerk, an amused Hermione, a grumbling Harry, and their very own daughter Lily. it's one of those Harry Potter reads Harry Potter stories I hope ya'll enjoy!


A/N: Oh, I don't know

A/N: Oh, I don't know. I used to hate these kinds of stories with the real Harry Potter reading the Harry Potter book and all but this day is different, this day is absolutely boring! So what the hell, let's have fun doing this!

Disclaimer: Harry Potter not mine… sadly. You know the drill

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It was a very busy day in London and the sun overhead the numerous lines of small busy shops shone merrily down like some great big lamp. The sky was clear as it can get and its wonderful blue hue confirmed that it was indeed a fine summer day.

Amongst the busy line of shops lay one which is probably a little more deserted – a modest bookshop. Of course one would understand as to why it had lesser customers compared to the other shops. It was, after all, still summer and kids, barely just starting their summer holidays, couldn't be bothered by 'measly' books when there waited endless hamburger restaurants, movies, and arcades for them.

The people's lack of enthusiasm for reading, however, doesn't bother the middle-aged clerk, sitting in front of an old cash register, who was more absorbed with the thick orange book in front of him than the rarely tinkling of the bell by the door. He kept rolling his blue eyes at every turn of the page, cursing his niece's addiction with the considerably new tome. What his niece saw in the story and what possessed her to pester him to read it was beyond him. The book, and the other parts of the series he knew it belonged to, was ridiculous! Magic and wizardry and old psychos intent to be invincible – who reads this piece of crap? And not to mention romance based on dating books. Gods, that fictional redhead fellow is a loser. This clerk then concluded that the thick orange book is more a waste of time than his job here at this old bookshop that reeked of old paper and ink.

He closed the book with a dull thump and sighed wearily. _Youth these days_, he wearily thought while rubbing his temples furiously, _they'd go about reading anything and_ _proclaim it as the new literary masterpiece! Whatever happened to Shakespeare and the like? _He sighed, leaned back on his stiff chair, and sipped on the cold glass of lemonade in front of him. He brought it down and stared at the ceiling. It was a boring day, nothing to do and nothing to see… just a lot of tomes – new, old, fictional, or not. The place was practically empty, for crying out loud! He snorted and adjusted himself on the chair, intent on making himself as comfortable as he could be in this piece of useless wood.

"Might as well do something productive," he muttered as he placed his hands on his rounded belly and hung his head, dozing off into a 'well-deserved' nap.

Not much later after the clerk dozed off, the soft tinkle of the bell and the opening of the door announced the arrival of a young family – a handsome man probably in his mid-twenties with a mop of unruly unkempt raven hair with bright green eyes behind round spectacles perched on the bridge of his nose, a woman of about his age with slightly bushy ash brown hair that stood with grace and intelligence, and a young girl of four that was a perfect combination of the former two.

"Oh!" the little girl happily exclaimed, clapping her arms and slightly jumping up and down, sending her jet-black curly hair bouncing. Her bright green eyes, identical to that of her father's, widened and shone at the mere sight of numerous books ahead of her. She squealed in delight and ran between the narrow aisles of bookshelves.

"No one's going to ever question that she's your daughter. No other witch could ever enjoy a plain boring muggle bookshop like you two do," said the man with unruly black hair as he gave his wife a lopsided gin and grabbed her hand.

"Oh, Harry," she said with a roll of her brown eyes, slightly bumping her shoulder against his. Harry smiled wider. Nobody can ever say _'Oh, Harry,'_ as often and as perfect as his Hermione does. He gently placed an arm around her and planted a gentle feathery kiss on her lips.

"Now come on," Hermione said with a silly grin painted on her face, "Lily's going to go berserk with the sight of all these books," Harry chuckled heartily and together, they followed their young daughter down an aisle of fictional books.

"Mum! Dad!" they heard little Lily cry happily. "Come on now!" she continued on impatiently. Her parents just chuckled at her ridiculous calling and stopped behind her.

"Look! Look!" Lily cried while happily pointing up where seven books of varying color and thickness were lined up, bearing the same familiar title. "It's a series about you, Dad! It's a series about you in a muggle store!"

"Now, Lily. Please do be quiet. Remember, muggles can hear us here," Hermione reminded as she placed a hand on her daughter's shoulder. "No one is here, Mum," Lily said while rolling her eyes, a trait she got from her mother.

"That man is," Harry said while pointing to the sleeping clerk with an unmistakably orange Harry Potter installment on his desk. "But he's asleep, Dad, snoring like Uncle Ron!" Lily said. She turned to Harry once more, "Can I read one, Dad?"

"Honey, what are you doing?" Hermione asked as she watched her daughter pull a puppy dog pout. Lilly straightened up and shrugged. "I dunno, but it always works for Aunt Ginny when she's asking something from Uncle Draco," Both Harry and Hermione burst out laughing. Lilly shrugged again and turned her attention to the books.

"One, two, three, four, five, six… seven! I want to read the seventh one!"

"You're supposed to start from the start, Lily," said Harry as he grabbed the orange-colored book from the shelf and handed it down to Lily, who, in turn, quickly flipped the pages to the last part of the book. "Oh, I know. It's just that you and Mum keep telling me the story over and over again. I probably know all of your adventures by heart! Probably more than all the other bedtime stories put together. More than Cinderella!" their little daughter exclaimed, a proud smile crossing her little pretty face.

"Well, that's probably because you ask us to tell you our story every night," Hermione said with a smile. Lily shrugged again. "It's my favorite," she said before she began reading.

"Do you think it's alright for her to be reading this? It's, well – violent," Hermione asked Harry in a worry-laden whisper. Harry shrugged, "she's reading the epilogue… there's nothing violent there, I suppose,"

"J.K. Rowling," Hermione read off from the spine, "she wrote these books. Do we know her?"

Harry shrugged, "She's an old friend of Dumbledore's. Batty, that one. She was supposed to write the History of Magic books for Teddy's time in Hogwarts. The school governors rejected that plan though… considering she's a squib and all. They say she's 'not magic enough' and all. Don't know why wand-waving is important when you're writing about goblin rebellion,"

"But how come she ended up writing about you?" his wife questioned. Harry chuckled and shrugged. "I dunno, really. I only met her once, when she asked permission to make me the main character for her first novel. I refused, at first, seeing that there were numerous ones written about me. But then she told me she'll be selling them to muggles only under fiction,"

"Oh," was all that Hermione said.

"I don't mind them. I haven't even read one but I reckon they're too exaggerated and such. She warned me about it being a little different, though. I don't really care… so as long as they don't bother our lives. Dudley reads them. He says they're quite the bestseller here in the muggle world," Harry continued on, eyeing the other remaining books that carried a version of the Wizarding world and their adventure for the muggles to enjoy.

"Dudley, eh?" Hermione said. Harry nodded, a small smile creeping up on his lips as he remembered his fat muggle cousin. "I remembered, he said we should stop by for dinner on Friday. He said he misses Lily. And oh, he said to bring Ron and Luna over. I reckon they amuse him and his wife to no end," Harry added. He and Dudley had patched things up about five years ago when he attended the funeral of Vernon and Petunia Dursley, who died in a horrible car accident. It was then, too, that he learned that Dudley was married to a muggleborn witch from France. It was ironic how their lives turned out to be.

"Hey, Mum! I'm here! I'm here!" cried Lily, excitedly pointing on a page. "Oh… wait," she stopped for a second and scrunched her nose as Hermione grabbed the book to read for herself.

"I don't have red hair!" Lilly screeched horrified, clutching her raven curls.

Hermione began laughing and Harry peered in curiously. "What are you laughing at?" he asked but his question was immediately answered as soon as Hermione pushed the book under his nose.

"I – what!"

Hermione laughed harder as her husband grumbled, furiously flipping through the pages, and their daughter was clutching her hair, horrified.

"Let me see more, please!" Lily cried as she grabbed the book from her father. Her eyes began darting back and forth as she began reading at furious speed.

"That mad woman! I – am – not – married – to – Ginny – Malfoy!" Harry grumbled, folding his arms stubbornly across his chest. Hermione began laughing harder, clutching her sides. "Oh, please. This is different alright!" she burst out giggling again.

"I'm glad you find this amusing, Mione," Harry said with a roll of his eyes.

Then Lily giggled.

"Hey, Mum. Not only is Dad married to Auntie Ginny here, you're married to Uncle Ronnie!"

"What!?"

"Now, tell me, is it still amusing?" Harry teased her shocked wife, who was still stuttering disbelievingly and indignantly.

Lily giggled again.

"Hey, it's Hugo!" she exclaimed. "Aunt Luna and Uncle Ron's puppy is here!" Harry read a line from the book and laughed out loud. "So he is… and Mione, he's your son," Hermione just rolled her eyes and scoffed.

"Now, that's got you all cracked up, Potter, eh?" she said as she glared at her husband. Harry enveloped her in a tight hug and kissed her temples. "Aw, Mione. I'm sorry. Just teasing you a bit,"

"Sss – kooohr – peeee – yuuus," Lily read with squinted eyes. "Is that what Uncle Draco and Aunt Ginny will be naming the baby in Aunt Ginny's tummy?" she inquired with her pretty nose scrunched.

"I most certainly hope not!" Hermione said as she peered at the book, and ruffled her daughter's hair. Harry peered in again and a wicked smile spread on his face. "Hey, we could probably send this to them as a name suggestion. Scorpius. Hah! I can't wait to see Draco's face!" Harry said with a smirk.

"I don't think they'll want to use that anytime soon, Harry,"

"And, it doesn't end there, Mione. Draco – that all vain Malfoy – has a receding hairline here!" Harry exclaimed triumphantly while pointing on a page where little Scorpius appeared. "Oh, Merlin, if it were only true. I wish Ron could read this!" Both Hermione and Lily rolled their eyes at him.

"Aunt Luna isn't here," Lily proclaimed sadly, "neither is Robert," she said, referring to Ron and Luna's four-year-old. "I don't have a best friend because he isn't there! This is all wrong… all wrong!" the little girl moaned.

"Well, at least that little fact about Teddy and Victoire right," Hermione said with a shrug. "How are they, by the way?" her question directed to her husband. Harry shrugged. "Teddy said it's all been good. Hogwarts been treating them right,"

The family turned their attention once again to the book and for a few second, silence reigned over them as they read.

"Albus Severus! This is – okay, stop – we're going home!" Harry said sharply as he replaced the book back on the shelf, where it sat cushioned between the green Harry Potter one and a book about golf.

"But I think it's neat!" Lily said.

"No, it's ridiculous,"

"I still don't have a book, Dad," Lily reminded him, "Remember you were going to get me one. You promised," she said. Harry sighed and ruffled her daughter's neat curls. "Okay, baby, get one – and no, you can't take the Harry Potter series," he added quickly at the sight of her daughter's bright green eyes. Lily's little shoulders slumped a little but she went to pick a book nevertheless.

"Albus Severus," Hermione repeated, chuckling heartily, "great taste in names, Harry," Harry scoffed. "Again, I repeat: I'm glad you find this all very amusing,"

"Albus Severus… Scorpius… Hugo," Harry scoffed, "This is the reason you're married to me and Ron and Luna are married and Ginny is married to Draco – keeps all the sanity in check, you see,"

"Oh, Harry,"

"It's ridiculous!" Harry said. "Well, if I had known this is what she'll write then I wouldn't have agreed to any of it!" Hermione enveloped him in a tight hug and sighed. "I think she wrote it that way to make everything more stereotypical," she said softly.

"Stereotypical? How is it stereotypical?"

Hermione shrugged, "Well, the hero always gets the prettiest girl – the one he kept away from for her safety. And the other two from the Trio gets together. It's always like that – you should see the silly adventure shows in television,"

"Stereotypical," Harry scoffed, "I'll give her stereotypical. You can't dictate who the hero decides to love, for one. She's a real person. Shouldn't she know this stuff?" Hermione smiled at him. "I'm sure she does. That's why this is only in a book registered as fiction,"

Harry sighed and kissed her forehead. "Yeah… yeah, I know. This – us, and Lily – it's the real deal,"

Hermione smiled and hugged Harry tight, "Yes, and I'll never wish it was in any other way,"

"And Hermione?"

"Hmm?"

"The hero got the most beautiful girl. Remember that," Harry said softly with his most charming smile, a smile he reserved only foe Hermione. He pushed Hermione's hair behind her ear and gently kissed her.

"I love you, Harry,"

"I love you too, Mione,"

"Is it safe to look now?" a small voice rang out and the couple sprang a couple of inches apart. Little Lily Potter was standing a few feet from them with a small hand covering her green eyes and a big red book tucked in the other.

"Okay, honey," Hermione cooed as she knelt beside her daughter, "what did you pick?"

Lily smiled at her mother and held out the red book in front of her. "It's about puppies!" she exclaimed. "Can you read it to me before bed, Mum?" she asked. "Of course, baby. Now let's go ask what your Dad thinks of it,"

"I think it's safe and absolutely the truth… no lies, and none of that stereotypical business," Harry said.

"Is it a yes?" Lily inquired, her face etched with confusion. Hermione giggled and kissed her daughter's nose. "Yes, honey. Dad approves,"

"Mister! Hey, mister!"

The clerk let out a loud snore before turning his unfocused and sleepy eyes to a young girl being carried by a dark-haired man standing in front of him. Considering the little girl's resemblance to the man, he could only assume that he was the pretty little girl's father.

"I'd like to get this book, please," she said politely, handing him a book about dogs. Certainly boring, this clerk thinks. He grunts and takes the book from her little hands. A brunette beside the dark-haired man, unmistakably his wife, rummaged inside her purse and handed the clerk a couple of bills. The clerk takes it from her and deposits the bills in the cash register, not once taking his eyes off the family. They're a bunch of ordinary people, no mistaking that, but they also look vaguely familiar – like he's seen them before.

The clerk handed them back the book, now inside a plastic bag that bore the name of the bookshop, and the little girl squealed in delight. And when the family was about to leave, the little girl, still on her father's arms, said something that triggered the clerk's memory.

"Can I have a little brother?" started the little girl

The man and the woman looked at each other, smiling.

"We'll think about it,"

"Yay! Then we'll name him Albus Severus!"

"No, Lily, not in a million years," replied the man with the unkempt black hair.

"Why not?" the little girl argued, "you're not going to name him James, are you?"

"As a matter of fact, honey, yes," the brunette piped in.

"Awwww… but that's so – boring! Albus Severus is a way cooler name," the four-year-old said, crossing her little arms in front of her chest, "Why couldn't it be his name instead?"

"We don't want your brother bullied and made fun of. Do you want that for your little brother?"

"No," she replied slowly.

"Then James it is!" the raven-haired man said triumphantly.

"Aw, no fair!"

"Why don't you name a pet that instead?" her mother suggested.

"A puppy then, or an owl – then we'll name him Scorpius!"

"Hey, your Uncle might want to use that,"

"Oh, heaven forbid!" was the only thing the brunette replied.

The bell tinkled again and the door closed. The clerk watched, open-mouthed, as the family turned a corner and vanished in the sea of people bustling in the busy street. He blinked and his gaze fell on the orange book that lay innocently on his desk. The young man on the cover, with his arms outstretched facing the pumpkin orange sky, had some unsettling resemblance to the raven-haired man that just left with the little girl and his brunette wife. And wait – isn't there a brunette woman in the book thrown in somewhere? That one the redhead 'master of dating books' was pining after? And the names – oh, God, the names! They aren't exactly common, are they?

Could it be?

The clerk blinked again and laughed out loud, his laughter echoing in the small cramped empty bookstore. He shook his head and watched the busy street outside. This is ridiculous. The silly book couldn't be true. A secret world that lay unnoticed in Britain… owls as pets… psychotic 'Dark Lords'… wands… people in cloaks… a school with the most absurd name… scars that connect people… magic – this is all ridiculously impossible! Those people – that loving couple and their pretty daughter – couldn't possibly someone from these ridiculous pages.

The clerk laughed again and picked up the orange book. _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_, it read in red, _J.K. Rowling_. He laughed again and shook his head, getting up to return the book to the shelf. He sighed. This has been a terribly boring day… so boring that he was beginning to imagine things.

"Stupid useless story," he muttered once his chuckles subsided. He sat down once more on his stiff chair and moved a little into a more nearly comfortable position before promptly falling asleep once more, instantly forgetting the earlier incident that transpired here inside this deserted stuffy bookshop on a fine summer day.

* * *

Hey! I finished it! Now, now… before you go 'oh-she-certainly-hates-Harry-Potter' on me, I'd like to say I think the HP series is brilliant – well, except for the fact that HHR didn't happen. Haha! I'll have everyone know: this story – and the opinion of the clerk regarding the series (which is by the way, how my Aunt views Harry Potter) – is totally just for fun. Not bashing. hope you enjoyed as much as I enjoyed making it!


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